Request: Because they have root beer.
Answer: You (Amanda) solved this. Congratulations.
Request: Because they sell jeans for short people and they sell jeans that aren't skinny leg.
Answer: Bad news. We couldn't find any either. I don't think they make them anymore.
Request: Because they have Aveda products.
Answer: Target and Wal-Mart don't.
Request: Because I am treated with respect for the most part.
Answer: Rodney Dangerfield and Aretha felt the same way. You're in good company.
Request: Because I can talk to the ones I love on the phone instead of via email.
Answer: Jesus and Skype.
Request: Because I made money there.
Answer: I want to know why you "made" money. Counterfeiting is illegal.
Request: Because they have garbage disposals.
Answer: Ben=the human garbage disposal.
Request: Because I don't have to clean up the house before the housekeeper comes.
Answer: (he drew a picture of the world's smallest violin! haha!)
Request: Because my Molly was with me.
Answer: You have lions in your backyard. Name one Molly.
Request: Because flat boxes are much cheaper to mail within the States.
Answer: Amen! (hahahaha)
Request: Because I know that when I mail something it will get where it is going.
Answer: It's because our addresses make sense.
Request: Because my family is there.
Answer: Isn't Ben your family? Is he not there? He's in Zimbabwe isn't he? I knew he was CIA!
Request: Because my friends are there.
Answer: Kelley used to have an imaginary friend named Megan. She caused a hurricane and Kelley dumped her. I hear Megan is still available. (so clever, Wade!)
Request: Because my Molly kitty was there.
Answer: You already said this. Go find the lion.
Request: Because it is my home.
Answer: Home is where the heart is. So put your heart in South Africa, d** it! (haha, so harsh!)
Request: Because they have Target.
Answer: I don't really think you miss Target the store. You probably miss the feel of Target. With this stylish bad, everywhere you go will be Target. Just don't take the bag to heart and become a "target" for theft while carrying it.
Request:Because Mexican food is located on almost every street corner and because they have Mexican food.
Answer: No Mexican food in South Africa? (Censored by Amanda) Maybe you can use this (Mexican seasoning!) to sell Mexican food. Have Ben sell it and call him Pedro. (Censored again...)
Request: Because I had a garlic press.
Answer: I wanted to just tell Ben to put it between his pectoral muscles and squeeze but Kelley would have said no. So here's a garlic press...nothing funny about a garlic press. All business.
Request: Because I could go grocery shopping at one places... instead of 2 or 4.
Answer: Search no more. Here is that steak seasoning you've been looking for. (hahaHAHA!)
Request: Because they have Reeses PB cups.
Answer: Regular or mini size? You didn't say. Oh well. We have so many that we bought you both. America can spare two packages to you expatriates.
Request: Because I understand pretty much everyone when he/she talks.
Answer: Message received. One book explaining how to understand Amanda when she speaks. One book to understand Ben when he speaks (I know you don't mean understanding the South Africans. They don't speak English. They either speak Afrikaans or British. Either way, you'll never understand them.) HA!- they sent us the books by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn, For Men Only and For Women Only.
Request: Because the people are overall kind.
Answer: You know what would make the South Africans more kind? Jesus. You know what else? 13 Going on 40- Fun and Flirty Edition. I swear this works. I think we read it in How to Win Friends and Influence People. Show this movie to a stranger and you'll have an instant kind friend.
Request: Because I can wear my wedding ring without looking over my shoulder every 5 seconds.
Answer: John McClane will protect you both. (movie, Die Hard!)
Request: Because I had a job there.
Answer: Sorry that you both forgot where to find Job in the Bible. Maybe this will help. Now you can have a Job everywhere! Happy Job! Good luck with your Job! (Bible study book on Job!)
Request: Because they celebrate the 4th of July.
Answer: Oh say can you see, by the dawn's early light. What so proudly we hail'd at the twilight's last gleaming. Well, you know the rest. But now you can celebrate the United States of America with fun flaps! (a fun flap USA book!)
Request: Because they have indoor heating when it's cold.
Answer: No heating!? Poppycock! Coleman to the rescue. This is how Americans live, even on primitive campsites (hand warmers!).
Request: Because I can walk to the gas station without getting hounded. and Because I can drive to the grocery store without getting hounded.
Answer: Your very own hound. (a mini hound dog figurine!) Now you go to the gas station and grocery store and hound everyone back. And remember: It's not the size of the hound in the fight, but the size of the fight in the hound. (HAHAHAHA)
Request: Because the air is not infused with smog.
Answer: Breathe freely in this N-95 respirator. Also valuable in the event of pandemic HINI influenza or bio terrorism. (but we only have one...what about Ben? haha, jk!)
Request: Because the majority of the people know and obey the driving regulations. and Because people drive on the RIGHT side of the road.
Answer: American driving etiquette requires an American car- the Buick. Remember it wasn't Nelson Mandela who invented the car, it was Henry Ford. So it's historically proven, Americans are better with cars than everyone else. The foreigners are just jealous, so they try to change the rules. Don't let the man get you down. (Oh so funny, not to be offensive, just sooo funny! By the way, driving increasingly worsens the longer we are here- not mine, theirs!)
Request: Because if you get pulled over by the police, you at least feel safe...
Answer: Master Lock guarantees safety. Show the police your Master Lock and they'll cower. Plus, it's sheik K-State purple, Go Wildcats! (YEAH!)
Request: Because I can park my car and some person isn't going to come "wash/watch" it for me.
Answer: Ben, put on your speedo and hop outside. Wash that dirty car so others don't try to wash it for Amanda. And the Speedo is a must. I know foreigners always wear Speedos when they wash cars. (hahahaha, so true! Does that mean we are Foreigners now?)
Request: Because it's summer there at the moment.
Answer: Bahamas? Tropical breeze? Flip flops? Those equal American summer...except for the Bahamas. (car air freshener with flip flops on it!)
Request: Because I can breathe fresh air in the restaurants.
Answer: This "fresh clean scent" will "eliminate odors" and "suddenly spring" into the air of the restaurants. Just light and wait for the magic. It is Glade after all. (His favorite!)
Request: Because they have scrapbooking stores.
Answer: Scrapbooking stuff that has a Route 66 sticker. How much more American does it get? (hey, want to go on a Route 66 drive together when we return to the States? Road trip!)
Request: And a billion other reasons at least.
Answer: ...one of which has to be punch balloons! (hahahahaha, so fun!)
Don't we have amazing friends!? I love these people. Such a blessing to us, they are. And great sense of humor! I hope everyone else appreciated this as much as we did. If not, oh well. We love it!
NOTE: Wade did not write anything too profane in which to require censoring. I just had fun with the censors. I want it to be clear that Wade is not a profane guy. He is upstanding.
4 comments:
your first paragraph makes it imply we aren't friends with ben. is there something you need to tell us?? also, censoring wade makes it sound like he said horrible things... which is funny to me. wade never imagined getting censored for what he said... or even ***. haha. love it. love you! oh and wade said sorry for only sending 1 n95 he really meant to send 2. i didnt double check his packing. my bad.
haha, I wrote the first paragraph as I was falling asleep on Tuesday and finished on Wednesday, so I don't know why I forgot Benji in paragraph one. I should edit that. I just thought it would be fun with the censoring! No prob with the n95, hehe :)
From Wade:
Route 66 trip? Yes. Upstanding? Wow, you really are taking to that British speech in the former British colony. PS: When is Ben going to make a guest post? I want to hear his thoughts on Bill Snyder's return to the Promised Land. PPS: Sorry about the N-95. Ya'll are almost done with flu season, so you probably won't need it anyway. PPPS: The For Guys Only book is awesome and my favorite marriage book. It actually made sense! And the best part was that the guy backed up what he said with actual survey questions asked to women! Crazy! But then I asked Kelley those questions and her answers were different than the female population of America. PPPPS: Do you guys have cobras there? PPPPPS: Enjoy the weekend.
I will get after Benjamin to make a guest post. He uses excuses like "I work 10 hour days," but I am not buying it!
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