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| Beau's room. I'm not a fan of the wall color... but neither I nor Ben were up for the task of repainting the space! I painted his Bible verse on the sign below his name, which Ben put together. I also made the mobile last minute... when I was in super-crafty nesting Mommy mode. That wore off this week. The blanket on the chair was sewn by my Grandma Carol and I finished it off with a navy blue binding. I sewed the quilt and crib skirt for Cale, probably my favorite quilt to date! The map is from Ben's Perspectives class. The elephant from our good friends. Charlotte and Cale decorated the book shelf, Charlotte even "wrote" a little book for him, look closely at the top left of the shelf behind the bright blue book. And not pictured here is an old roll top desk inherited from Ben's Grandma Esther (whose birthday would have been today, we miss her dearly!). There's also a special afghan blanket on the changing table that was knitted by my Great Grandma and passed down to Beau from my Grandma Joyce- she remembers wrapping her precious youngest baby in the blanket and has held on to it until now. Such a sweet treasure for Beau! I think those are all of the "special" items in Beau's room. I just wanted to take note of these things! |
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| Okay, Beau. COME ON OUT! I'm ready for you! We are ALL ready for you! |
Also, over the last year, God has revealed to me different
areas of my life where I have clung to and am clinging to things- and I have
been held back from the beauty of all He wants to give me. One area I hide in is control (another of
mine is FEAR, namely fear of judgement… but I’ll save further thoughts on that
for another day!). Let me explain…
When I was pregnant with Charlotte, I took photos of my ever
growing baby bump each week from multiple angles. I kept a detailed journal of every change
going on within me, as well as with her and I took note of interesting and/or
funny things that took place during that week.
Then, I put it up on my blog. A
lot of this had to do with the fact that we were in South Africa and I wanted
my family in America to be up to speed.
I missed them dearly during that time!
Plus I didn’t really have a lot occupying my time and I simply enjoyed
journaling. I was also quite
active. I did my little pregnancy DVDs
every morning in our giant bedroom, took walks, etc. I was determined to keep myself as “in shape”
as possible during pregnancy. Looking
back, while each of those things were good- are good!- I also recognize where I
was doing some of it out of control and also fear of judgement.
Then, with Cale, I was desperately clinging to control- and
judgement. My brain at the time: Because,
by gosh, I was GOING to keep the same journal and take the same multi-angle weekly
photos and post them to our family blog no matter what! No way was I going to let my “second child”
suffer by not having this documentation.
AND I was definitely going to keep up with my exercise because that was
a NECESSITY! So during my pregnancy
with Cale, I focused on sort of “recreating” my initial pregnancy experience
with him. I took photos, kept my
journal, blogged and did my daily work-out DVDs. Again, these things were good- are good- and
I am overall glad that I did them! It’s
fun to look back at my journal and the activity from the pregnancy DVDs helped
a lot. Perhaps more than I realized at
the time… ha! However, in reading
through those journals, I also see evidence of my control idol and fear of
judgement. Again, something else I don’t
think I quite realized at the time…
I need to take a moment and just say…. I am soooo SOOO
thankful for JESUS. I am so very blessed
to be His daughter. And I am so grateful
that He has gently spoken into my life and is opening my eyes more every day to
these areas of struggle in my life. Oh
and I know there are more, but He is good and He does not give me more than I
can handle.
So….this time around.
When we discovered little Beau was growing within me, I was
in the midst of learning more about myself with God’s gracious help. At the time, I had fallen way behind in
keeping our family journal/blog. That
control idol of mine tried to creep up and say, “HEY! You gotta document this, lady! You’re losing at life!” But God squashed that. He reminded me… to slow down and ironically
run after and enjoy my two littles. And
naps filled my “free time,” if ever there was any!
I decided early on that I wasn’t going to stress over
keeping up with the same standards of my previous two pregnancies. Instead, I was going to simply go with the
flow. I attempted to work out around 2-3
times a week… but that didn’t always happen.
Especially between the months of November- March. I ended up with one virus after another,
including shingles on my face and multiple stomach bugs, constant congestion,
fatigue, you name it. Every now and then
I would take a photo of my growing Beau bump or convince Ben to take one. I’d write a sentence or two in attempt to
document, but then I’d get tired or my attention would be redirected. I spent more of my “free time” enjoying my
children as individuals. Read my Bible
more. Prayed more. Thought a lot. Sewed and created more; which has been such a
fun outlet for me to enjoy. Cooked
better meals for my family, mastered some of my favorite baking recipes. And, of course, I napped!
In these areas, this pregnancy has been much more
relaxing. More reflective, I
suppose. I slowed down and enjoyed life. I don’t have weekly photos and stories “documented”
in our family journal/blog, but I savored the moments we were in as we were in
them. And I think that is good.
However, this pregnancy has also been much more challenging
physically for my body. I’m sure there
are a collection of contributors. My
body is older. My immune system was more
susceptible to sickness (maybe because of chasing my two littles!). This is my third pregnancy. And I’m simply busier in general. This “little Beau bump” is measuring two and
a half weeks ahead of his due date, which means he is likely going to be larger
than my already big babies (Charlotte was 8 lbs 10 oz and Cale was 9 lbs 7
oz). I didn’t do my pregnancy DVDs and
therefore I didn’t stretch daily. I
noticed a heavier strain on my low back and hips early on and my Doctor
referred me to a physical therapist in January.
Oh sigh. I thought I’d be
fine. I waited until MARCH to finally
pursue physical therapy. So for the past
few weeks, I’ve been going twice a week to physical therapy for a deep tissue
massage, basically. Had I gone earlier,
I probably would have been able to work on more strength building in my hips
and low back to combat the pain. I’ve
made a mental note (and now a “documented note!) that if I get pregnant again,
(because I do still want four children…) I will need to be more intentional
about stretching. That to say… I’m
pretty sure that the consistent stretching during my first two pregnancies
helped greatly in preventing some of the pain I have experienced this time
around!
So here we are. Less
than a week away from Beau’s eviction date: May 20, 2015. Beau’s movements are very long and
strong. Kind of like long, deep
stretching (lol, is he trying to make up for my lack thereof!?). He gets the hiccups fairly often and has given
me terrible heartburn no matter what I do or don’t eat! I have this picture of him as a very deep
thinking individual. I know, it may seem
silly to have this idea “just” from carrying him in my womb, but I guess you
could say it’s a mother’s intuition. We
will see how that pans out in years to come.
I smile in anticipation of seeing his face for the first time. Discovering his eye color, hair color (I’m
picturing a lot of dark hair?). Placing
my finger in his grasp. Holding him
close in my arms. Seeing him with his
big brother and sister, his Daddy. (And
of course I’m also looking forward to my breathing regularly and walking
without pain and regaining my strength and agility!!)
I’ve prepared Beau’s room.
I’ve sewn him a quilt and a couple of blankets as well as some hats. I took some photos this week… and I’m taking
time to record some of this now because it feels right.
I think I will tie this little journaling up with a few
funnies I can recall from Beau’s time around in my body:
*At church (I think this was in March) a kid around the age
of three came up to me when I was wearing a flowy but fitted over the belly gray
maternity dress. He proceeded to try and
lift my dress in all seriousness because he wanted to see the basketball under
there. LOL! No worries, I kept the dress down and
explained there was no ball, just a growing baby.
*At my final Doctor’s appointment this week, my Doctor asked
how I am feeling. I told her the pain is
just more intense this time around. She
said, “Well, it’s because you’re a little girl with what I believe is a BIG
baby. OH!! I’m sorry, I mean, you’re not a little girl, you’re a petite woman,
but…” HAHAHA, so glad I can laugh this time
around at comments such as those!
*This past weekend we went to a shopping area to get some
much needed new clothes for Ben. While he
was paying for the items, I took the kids outside to play around a
fountain. It was a very busy area and I
noticed a little boy around the age of 9 or so noticing me. I also took note of said boy’s Dad sitting
nearby eyeing his son. Anyway. The boy finally caved, ran over to me and
laid his hand firmly (actually quite HARD) upon my belly and yelled, “WHAT’S IN
THERE!?!?!?!?” The Dad was mortified and
apologized quickly, fleeing the scene of the crime with his boy. Now now, I must admit. I did not laugh at this. Because it was a hard touch and I was feeling
rather uncomfortable, I even think I was in the midst of a Braxton Hicks (false
contraction), which means my belly was as hard as a bowling ball. I grabbed my own two kids and hustled (lol,very
pregnant woman hustling with two little kiddos in tow!) back into the store
with Daddy. He said I looked
furious. Yeah… I was. But I cooled down. And I realized I was wearing the same dress
as I had worn previously when the much younger curious boy noticed my Beau
belly. That made me smile a bit. Needless to say, I am laying that dress to
rest, much to Ben’s dismay. He says it’s
his favorite pregnancy dress I own. So
sweet.
*Charlotte loves to kiss my growing belly and talk to
Beau. She gets real close and whispers
things to him. She has been very in tune
with this pregnancy. She will sit there
and map out where she believes his head, arms, bottom, tummy, hands, etc. are
all located. And she is usually quite
accurate!
*Cale sometimes thinks my extremely popped out belly button
is Beau. LOL! Cale often says things like, “Beau, you poop
in a DIAPER!” Then he laughs
hysterically at himself, because that is his funny thing that he says to everyone
right now. If you receive this message
from him, you have just been dissed by my two year old spitfire Cale.
*Ben and I went to the Royals game on his birthday (May
2). As we waited in line to enter the
stadium (it was Salvador Perez Bobblehead giveaway night!), three of the ushers
(all men over the age of 50) stepped right up to me and said, “Are you gonna
make it!? Good for you!” It made me laugh that they all had the same
input. I didn’t tell them that I was
actually HOPING Beau would indeed decide it was his birth day and begin his
debut at the Royals game… because I think that would be a cool story! Call me crazy… but I like baseball and the
Royals are my favorite…
*Last week on Mother’s Day we went to the Melting Pot for
dinner. It was delicious. But it took FOREVER- over three hours!!! By hour three, I was feeling quite
uncomfortable and more than a little loopy.
I was seated next to my bro-in-law, Matthew (he is 19 and about to
graduate high school on May 19- which is why I chose to wait until May 20 for
Beau’s delivery because I want to see Matthew graduate in person!). Anyway.
I don’t remember what was said, but we somehow got on this laughing
kick. And when Matthew and I get to
laughing together, we just don’t stop. Plus
I think I muttered, “I gotta stop laughing so I don’t go into labor and laugh
this baby out!” Tears were rolling. Contractions were happening. Aw, what a stress relieving moment! LOL!
*Physical therapy child care lady. She always has comments and opinions for
me. “OH, you’re having a C-SECTION???” “OH, you have bad back pain? You are DONE after this one RIGHT?” “Sheesh, you’re still coming to physical
therapy? Don’t have that baby HERE.” “Tsk, tsk.
Cale doesn’t have socks on with his cowboy boots.” (LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! No, my two year old
dressed himself, which I am thrilled about because that means I didn’t have to
wrestle him on the floor into clothing.
So yeah… he forgot his socks today.
Oopsy.) She has shared many other
opinions with me regarding other topics.
Again, I am SO THANKFUL God is redeeming me from my fear of judgement
bit by bit and her opinions haven’t torn me down as they would have in the
past!
So there we have it.
I’ve journaled a bit. And shared
photos. You can come now, Beau. I know I wanted to wait until after Matthew’s
graduation, but maybe if you come today or tomorrow, you could see him graduate
in person with us!
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| Charlotte and Cale's art work for Beau's room. I thought it would be fun to put their work on clip boards so they can change it out as they continue to create. Then, eventually, I am sure Beau will add his own artwork to this space! Charlotte's work is on the left, Cale's on the right. |
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| My sweet girl was excited to be in the picture with Mommy and Beau. Cale was more interested in playing with the baby toys...! |
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| side view, 38 weeks pregnant, measuring 40 1/2 weeks pregnant. |
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| You guessed it, the dress I am wearing in these photos is THE gray dress that attracts the curious attention of little boys. |
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