December 20, 2011
I think I have been a jittery box of emotions this past week. Counting down the days, debating, wondering, hoping, PRAYING....God...is it now? Will You give us a second baby this month? Or will it be a no? My journal is filled with prayers and thoughts concerning whether...when...if...God's plan is for us to have another baby.
Last month I remember feeling sad, deflated when I discovered He said "no." But oh my goodness...sweet baby....how thankful am I! Because He waited until this month to say YES! He waited until this month to give us YOU!
I slammed my finger in the car door last week as I allowed my love and thankfulness for your older sister Charlotte to swell. I think I was partly distracted by her...and partly distracted by you, sweet baby! I know I already said it...but I really have been praying for you. I have been praying God would prepare my heart and mind for you. That He would prepare me emotionally, physically, SPIRITUALLY, mentally for You.
Oh and He has! He IS!
This past week I have also felt nauseous at random moments...like when changing Charlotte's stinky diapers. (Yes, she has stinky diapers. You can tease her LOVINGLY about that one day! Oh my goodness, siblings!!!) I have had headaches and an insanely heightened sense of smell. I mean seriously. Not that all I talk about is poop, but I can smell poo from a mile away. For real. And I can taste the slightest hint of salt in anything. I have to pee more frequently, I am more exhausted than usual....
With all of these symptoms...I found myself back in my journal...praying and asking God...is it this month? Are my feelings true? Or am I so crazy I am making them up? Have you chosen Ben and me to love and shepherd another one of Your sweet children?? I think I drove myself crazy....just a little bit. I finally reached a point where I felt good either way. Because God's plan is His plan. Not mine.
And then...for some reason...this evening I just felt this sense of urgency to have some sort of answer. So I took a test.
Two lines.
At first I just saw one line and I felt my heart drop....but then that second line appeared. (Oh sweet one, if you aren't skilled on preggo tests, let me explain. This particular test shows two lines for pregnant and one line for not pregnant). And I flipped!
In a good way :)
I paced the house, jumped up and down (seriously, ask your Daddy!) and grabbed another glass of water- which I chugged. Paced some more...and took another test. This test just has a word or two appear.
The nerves crept back up once again as I awaited the second test results.
Daddy checked it....
PREGNANT
WE ARE PREGNANT! God has said "yes!"
Oh sweet baby....the joy I feel! I have no idea who you will be....but I know I love you....and always will. I can promise you that. I can also promise you I will indeed make mistakes along the way. But I assure you...your Daddy and I will be the best parents we can...WITH GOD'S HELP alone. And by His grace.
I love you, sweet one. I can't wait to continue on this journey with you....as your Mommy.
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| Family photo on the night we discovered you were on your way! |
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| Mommy and the big sister....she looks a little shocked, don't you think? |
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| And the bump watch begins... |
December 24, 2011
December 27, 2011
I cannot believe I have a second baby growing within me. In a couple short months I will start to feel you move around in there. I get to hear your heart beat for the first time next week...and I can hardly wait. I pray you are healthy. I pray you are growing as you should... Goodness, little one. I love you already.... and I cannot wait to meet you, hold you in person...kiss your sweet face.
Love, Mommy
1 comment:
YAY!! So excited for you!!!
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