I feel as though my blogs of late have been a little negative. Well, this one is not going to be any different.
I just plain miss home. I am done with South Africa. It was fun for awhile, traveling and experiencing new things, but I am beyond ready to go home. And knowing I still have 10 months to go stinks.
I spend most of my days alone in this house. It's sad, really. I stare at my gmail and facebook hoping for a new email or message to appear, but everyone at home is usually sleeping when I am on, so I usually just sit and stare. I am taking an online class, yes. However, I am having trouble completing the big assignment because nobody in South Africa will return my calls and emails. I need to talk with people who work with older adults in the mental health field, but I can't do that when they won't simply respond to me. I would drive to see them, but I don't always have the car so that's not always possible.
There's not really anywhere for me to go...besides the grocery store, the highlight of my week. Sure, there are spa treatments, but those cost money. And money is something that we need to save. We will have lots of expenses when we go home, after all. TWO new (used) cars, for one thing.
I just want to be home. In the house we own. Where we don't have to deal with Landlord's who want to raise the rent beyond what we can afford. The couches are comfortable and the walls are painted colors I like...not just white. Where photo albums and mementos surround me....and our bed is OUR bed. Nice and cozy. Where I have Panera and Mexican food, Eggo waffles and Pei Wei, Coldstone and Reeses PB cups all at my easy disposal. Where family and friends are a quick car drive away and our neighbors are friendly and speak to us when we pass by. Where Churches are friendly and reach out to the visitors, welcoming them in and providing them with a home away from home.
I'm sorry to be so negative. I don't enjoy being the Debbie Downer. I know God is working in this, and believe me, He has blessed our time here. We have lots of pictures and stories to show for it. And Ben and I are closer than we have ever been, thanks to our time here. Just some days are harder than others and today is one of those days.
4 comments:
praying for you my dear and that God gives you comfort and peace at this time. you are amazing I know the journey seems hard at times but you are exactly where the Lord wants you and i am confident that He is working in and through you. Read through Jeremiah... especially 29 and the promises God tells his people. That He will bring them back to the place He has promised and his plans are to prosper not harm you (and ben). I love you dear!
Thanks Kelley, Jeremiah, specifically 29, has always been a "plot" line of my life story. I know He's in control and His plans are to prosper and not to harm us...to give us a hope and a future. It's just been super tough and lonely lately. God uses these times in my life to strengthen me, but they are always so difficult! Molding me...He is the potter, I am the clay...the process still hurts ;) But I am thankful He is my Potter and none other.
Hi! I am Heather Mentzer, Nathan Mentzer's wife...and we are in NE Arkansas wrapping up a BV project. They put out a call for more engineers to South Africa, and Nate is considering going. So, I am enjoying reading your blog to hear about the good and the bad of life in South Africa. Your adventures look amazing, and a little terrifying. I can empathize a little with how you feel...we live a good 30 minutes from anywhere, and Nate is at work all the time, and so I feel like I spend tons of time alone by myself at home and that grocery shopping is about the only thing I ever do. It does get old and lonely with no one else around. Thank you so much for your blog, it is a blessing and an encouragement to me! We are thinking of you and Ben. :)
Thanks Heather! I am sorry I just now saw this post! Feel free to email me at: arconnell@gmail.com if you have any questions!
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