Its down by the river…where the hippos swim and the breeze is oh so nice. Yes, despite my phobia of transatlantic flights, distrust of animal life (large and small), and general suspicion of the much-hyped Johannesburg crime culture, I gathered myself to embark on what would be the trip of a lifetime: South Africa. Oceans would just have to be crossed.
I rationalize that flying over the ocean is more dangerous than land. If you are over land, you can just divert to a nearby airport. Or find a clearing of grass. Or a highway. If you are over the ocean, you crash and you die. If you survive, you float on a raft, dehydrated and sunburned, and wait for the sharks to pick you off. Being that the flight to Johannesburg is about 15 hours ocean, 1 hr land, I flipped off the flight-status map and, feeling jittery, naturally opted to enjoy a high-adrenaline thriller about ex-FBI agents hunting sex-slave terrorists in France. Later, I had trouble sleeping.
Note to self: Do not specify high-fiber vegan meals for in-flight service in avoidance of rubber meat - this is an irreversible decision! Painful when combined with worse than usual turbulence.
We landed after an eternity. Note to self: Dramamine for return flight.
I feverishly jotted more notes-to-self on the drive to Kyalami. Ahh, Kyalami. Luxurious, gated, tropical, pool-side home of Ben and Mandy. Night 1 would be restful after a visit to Nandos, a South African semi-fast food joint. The little red moth on my nightstand would remain still. He must have been tired, too.
Morning 1 would bring sunshine. It didn’t take any getting used to. Perfect breezes. Perfect warmth. Coffee, poolside…on the veranda.
Off to Woolworths for some food products and then to the Rhino and Lion Reserve, which is misleading, because there is much much more than just adorable lions and rhinos to pet. I was excited upon my first African animal sighting – an Ostrich! They would become a theme of the trip.
I won’t give away any spoilers, but lets just say I made friends with a fuzzy animal. You will have to see the picture. The aide said they were “grumpy” – whatever that means – and so I kept a safe 3 feet away for my photo op. Just enough to get a taste (or smell?).
An afternoon storm blew in, and in about 5 minutes, it was gone. This is the way in SA. We watched peaceful lions feed on decapitated buffalo carcass, and then saw Cheetahs leaping into the air to catch raw meat. It was feeding time at the park. The wild dogs sounded more like wild kittens, but I didn’t get out of the car.
Later, we stopped by Montecasino in Johannesburg. Here, I was given the opportunity to face yet another fear: birds. The aviary is actually beautiful and I befriended many feathered fowl via camera-lens of the gratefully borrowed snap-andshoot (for the camera challenged). Just don’t swim out to monkey island; I don’t think you’d come back alive (based on the sounds emitted). The most exciting part was being accosted by a lorikeet I attempted to feed. Lori got sneak-attacked. When the dive-bombs started, I hung around long enough to get out.
All this facing-my-fears was exhausting. For night 2, Braii was on the menu, which is to say, barbeque was on the menu. Amanda’s delicious home-cooking and Ben’s home-grilling tasted delicious. I had built up an appetite watching the predators feed, so it was time to indulge, myself.
For some odd reason or another, night 2 was sleepless. I awoke to the little red moth flittering, and so it was time to say night-night to the little red moth. And then 1 hr in bed, reading. And then 3 hours in bed, awake. I could count down the minutes to coffee, poolside…on the veranda. It would be the only trouble sleeping I’d experience all week (sans airplane ride). Probably just too much excitement for what awaited me: Pilanesburg.
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