And so...I think the best spot to start
with Cale’s birth story is perhaps the day before his actual birth….so that is
where we will begin. This is my story
and I am wordy… but I like to recall the little details…
August 21, 2012
3:30pm: Sitting in the waiting
room at the hospital alone. It’s just
blood work and discussing the plan for the c-section tomorrow….I can handle it. Why do they need to do blood work on me
anyway? Do they do blood work on the
“lucky” ladies giving birth vaginally?
It almost feels like a penalty for having a c-section. Or a “cesar” as they call it in Safrica.
3:45pm: They finally call my name
and I get to walk through THE double doors.
Next time I walk through these doors I will be arriving at the hospital
to meet my son. My son. It doesn’t seem real yet.
3:50pm: The nurse I’m talking to seems pretty
nice. I hope they are all this
nice. I need to look tough when she
draws my blood…oh she is going to do it right here in the office. I can do this. I am having surgery to meet my son tomorrow
for heaven’s sake! And wait a second…did she just say I won’t be able to even
drink water until they hear bowel sounds in my tummy!? How long does that take? I love my water….oh but I gotta be strong…
4:1opm: That’s done.
I want to go home and hold my sweet girl. And eat a good dinner. And drink lots of water.
5:00pm: No contractions. I don’t feel like making dinner tonight. I just want to enjoy the evening with my
husband and daughter. Why not eat
Mexican food? Thanks to a gift card from
our friends, Amy and Ryan…dinner at Freebirds!
5:15pm: How on earth am I going
to handle a toddler AND an infant?
Charlotte is so full of energy these days! Ben and I can hardly keep her in her seat at
the restaurant. I choose to sit in my
seat and let Ben do the chasing. I won’t
get to eat food for over 24 hours after this meal anyway… Sure wish they had root beer here.
7:30pm: Charlotte calls out, “mama! Mama!” as Ben leaves her room before she goes
nigh-nigh. I head on in. There’s my sweet Charly girl reading her
Jesus book in the dark. I lean over the
crib and ask her if she wants to hold my hand while we pray. She says, “mm-hmm” and lays her head against
my hand as she sucks her right thumb. I
thank Jesus for various things I imagine are special to Charlotte, pray for her
sleep, for her heart, and for her meeting with Cale tomorrow. I say “amen” and Charlotte asks me to cover
her up. I do so and tell her “I love
her…nigh-nigh”….and exit the room.
7:45pm: I tell Ben I’m going to start the
preparations for my surgery. Shower
time. How on earth am I supposed to use
this entire bottle of hygienic soap throughout only TWO showers? I mean, I know my stomach is big right now,
but this is a lot of soap for one person!
I start my shower. I wonder how
big Cale will be. He feels big. I am sure he is going to surprise everyone
with his weight, but who knows? Surely
he is bigger than Charlotte though…maybe 8 lbs 13 oz? I could be wrong. Doctor says I am measuring right on target
after all. Seriously. This is a TON of soap! What if I had gone into labor and ended in a
c-section? What do they do about all of
this hygienic soap then? I try to not
cry over not going into labor naturally.
I am so emotional with this pregnancy.
8:30pm: Ben and I just sit around for the
evening…talking, computer, reading…but my mind is on one thing: Giving birth to
Cale.
10:00pm: We surrender to sleep and go to bed. I guess I surrender to bed, not sleep. Because my brain is running a mile a
minute. And I have heart burn. Stupid heart burn! But I already took Zantac this afternoon and
I am only supposed to take one a day.
11:11pm: Still awake.
Stupid heart burn.
August 22, 2012
3:00am: Wow, I actually
slept? Why am I awake? Stop thinking, brain! Go back to sleep! Ugh, heart burn! Dang.
I can’t even drink water any more since it is after midnight. Cale, you are sure moving about in
there! I guess you cannot sleep
either. Do you know today is your birth
day?
4:05am: I just heard Charlotte. I wonder if she is okay? It sounds like she is having a bad dream
about shoes. I love my sweet girl! I can’t wait for her to meet Cale. In…just a few hours actually! I will be in surgery in 5 hours. Goodness, Cale! You are strong! I need to fold laundry before we go to the
hospital. Two and a half hours till we
leave.
5:00am: Four hours till surgery. Okay, forget sleep. I am getting out of bed. I need to use the rest of that hygienic soap
in the shower anyway. Stupid soap. I get in the shower and try to relax a
bit. Maybe if I shower quickly and get
dressed, Charlotte will wake up and cuddle with me. I love my sweet girl! I am going to miss her.
5:30am: All dressed.
Make-up on. Teeth brushed. Bag packed.
No lotion or water though. Gotta
follow Doctor’s orders! How on earth is
it only 5:30am? Why am I moving so
fast? Guess I will go get that laundry
from the basement.
5:50am: I sit back in the bed just as Ben gets up to
get ready for Cale’s birth day. I pick
up my Bible to read and wait to hear Charlotte.
6:10am: Charlotte!
She is happy to see me which warms my heart.
6:12am: Charlotte doesn’t want to cuddle. But she at least lets me change her diaper
without throwing a fit. She asks for
oatmeal. Okay, I can get her oatmeal.
6:15am: I prepare Charlotte’s oatmeal. Really wish I could drink some water! I tell Charlotte I love her so much I will
sit with her while she eats her oatmeal even though I am super hungry and
thirsty!
6:25am: Grandma Jill arrives to watch Charlotte. Wow…we are really getting close now…I sure
hope I don’t cry when I have to say bye-bye to my sweet daughter. Keep my brain occupied. Fold laundry.
6:40am: Okay, we are pushing it. We need to load up the car and get
going. Breathe! This is all going to go just fine! I get to meet my son today…in just two hours
I should be in the room for surgery. And
in just three hours I should hear his cries and hold him in my arms…
6:45am: Gotta take one last quick photo of our little
family of three with Cale in my belly before we leave. I give Charlotte a kiss and a hug. There’s no way to explain to a 22 month old
that her entire life as she knows it is going to change completely in a couple
of hours. I wish I could explain this to
her…but alas…it is time to go. Ben
ushers me out of the house and into the car.
Thankfully no tears escape!
6:55am: There it is.
The hospital. Ben asks if I want
to be dropped off at the front and I say no.
I am nervous and I just want him by my side for every little thing. Plus I won’t be able to walk around for over
a day. Ben finds a spot located under
the shade of a tree. Such a smart guy I
have. I love my husband!
6:57am: We get our stuff out of the car and walk
towards the hospital. I feel a little
twinge in my heart as I realize I will never experience labor. I’ve already decided that if God blesses us
with more children I will not attempt a V-BAC.
This is not quite how I pictured things happening…breathe….but it’s
okay. This is how God planned it. His plans are better than mine.
6:59am: We check in at the front desk. An ambulance arrives with a lady who says she
was having contractions. She is alone
and looks a little spaced out. She
reminds me of some of the moms I worked with when I started working in child
welfare . We sit and wait to be called
back.
7:05am: “Amanda Connell?” That’s me.
I look at Ben and he grabs my hand.
The nurse leading us back asks how I am feeling and I again keep my
emotions in check. I tell her this isn’t
quite what I had pictured, as I had hoped for a VBAC and surgery makes me
nervous, but overall I am good. I am
excited to meet my son. She directs us
to our prep/recovery room behind a curtain and instructs me to remove
everything I am wearing and slip into the hospital gown. Ugh. I
hate these hospital gowns. Ben laughs as
I hold it up. It could be wrapped around
my body four times.
7:10am: Clad in my hospital gown, I stand with my
hands on my hips looking at the hospital bed.
I am not looking forward to getting into that bed and lying in it for
the next 24+ hours. The nurse returns
and understanding registers on her face.
She preps the IV and everything before asking me to go ahead and get
into the bed.
7:15am: Time for the fun to begin. Ben holds my hand as the nurse inserts the
IV. I laugh that I am not a fan of
needles but I have improved a lot! She
says that surprisingly, she isn’t either, but for some reason she can handle
the needles on patients. That’s
good…since she is a nurse after all. I
become a drill sergeant. I ask the Nurse
a myriad of questions over the next few minutes because my nerves are rising
and I just want to keep my mind off of my anxieties. As I fire questions and babble, the nurse
pulls out a pair of “compression socks” and boots. She asks if I remember them from South
Africa. I don’t. As she hikes those tight socks up my legs I
can see why I forgot them. They are
horribly uncomfortable! But
necessary. She leaves our little
curtained room as I absorb the IV fluids, crave water and Ben and I both try to
stay calm.
7:45am: Ben and I are a couple of nervous kids. We make corny jokes. He “spies” on people through the small
opening in the curtain.
8:15am: My Doctor comes in and asks how I am
doing. Oh, ya know. A little anxious. She says she is going to try and sneak us in
early. My anxieties raise a few notches
and again I do my best to keep calm and play it off like it “ain’t no
thang.” As soon as she exits the room
Ben and I look at each other with wide eyes.
WOW! It is time. Seriously TIME! Breathe…breathe….
8:20am: The Anesthesiologist stops by to explain to
me the process of inserting the epidural.
And then he tells me that he will be watching the student (at least he
made it sound like she was a student…I don’t understand the entire med school
process) perform the actual deed. He
ensures me she is great and has lots of practice, so I shouldn’t worry. Yup.
Okay. Let that sink in…
8:25am: Ben puts on his scrubs. He is getting a kick out of himself and has
me take his photo. Then he insists on
taking a photo of me as well. I don’t
want a photo taken but I do it anyway because I know I will be glad I did
later. Ben resumes his spying. I resume squelching my emotions. And feel a few contractions. But I know that even if I do start
contracting regularly and/or my water freakishly breaks…I am no longer mentally
prepared for a VBAC. I just want to meet
my son ASAP. But seriously…am I ready
for the surgery part??
8:30am: We wait.
And wait…and wait. The nurse
checks my IV at some point to ensure I am getting the required amount of fluids
and mentions there is a possible emergency c-section that will get in before
me. I start to realize I am, in fact
ready. I don’t want to wait!
9:05am: The Nurse comes back in our little
partitioned room. The emergency
c-section did get in before me. And now
there’s another possible emergency c-section.
And my Doctor is currently delivering another woman’s baby vaginally. But they are going to do their best to get me
in next. She hands me my hair cap and
looks over Ben’s scrubs. And then she
leaves us to wait some more.
9:15am: Waiting.
We send out text messages to our family so that they don’t start to
worry. Ben spies. I curb my emotions.
9:30am: The nurse pulls our curtain open and says it’s
time! She tells Ben he has to wait in
our curtained room until my epidural is in and I am completely prepped for
surgery. She assists me out of bed and
walks with me to the surgery room. I’m
shaking. I didn’t know Ben would not be
with me for this part. I take deep
breaths. I am scared… I see the surgery
tools all laid out on a table/cart thingy…big lights… the operating table.
9:35am: There are two nurses buzzing about the room
as I sit high on the operating table waiting for the anesthesiologist to come
do her thing. One nurse hands me a
pillow to hold onto when they do in fact get around to that darn epidural. I continue to fight the tears…determined to
not be “that woman.” The female student anesthesiologist
arrives and starts talking to me. She
seems pretty professional. I tell her I
don’t want her to tell me all of the details, just do it and then tell me when
it’s over with. She laughs and says
okay. Then she starts telling me every
little detail. Whatever. I don’t have the voice in me to ask her again
and I am afraid I might cry if I do. So
I keep my mouth shut. One nurse starts
talking about Care Bears. I want Ben.
The anesthesiologist is taking a long time. I can feel what she is doing and I don’t like
it! Is it supposed to take this
long? The male anesthesiologist steps
over to assist and then it’s done. They help
me lie back flat on the bed. Then they
start testing the area for the incision.
I quickly tell them I can still feel!
I think they doubt me because they say that’s normal but one of the
nurses says they need to wait and test again.
Thank God for that nurse.
10:00am: The room is swarming with people as they set
up the blue sheet to block my view. My
doctor arrives, all smiles. She really
is a peaceful woman. I like her. And Ben is suddenly there too. He grabs my hand and I let a few tears
escape. And everything happens so
quickly from here. Before I know it they
are applying pressure to push Cale out.
It’s an intense pressure and it takes multiple pushes to pull that
little man out because he is wedged so high!
I hear the Doctor and Nurses saying, “he is a BIG boy!” The tears are just dripping out of my eyes
now as I realize what is happening.
10:08am: I hear Cale cry. He’s here.
My son is born! I cry happy tears
right along with him.
10:09am: I get the slightest glimpse of Cale as they
whisk him over to the weighing station.
I tell Ben to go over there and help, which of course he is already
doing. The Doctor asks his name and I
promptly tell her, “Cale Thomas.” She
oohs and ahhs over the name. And I hear
them saying my son weighs 9 lbs 7 ounces!
My Doctor laughs and says, “no wonder he wasn’t coming out on his own! I
think it is a good thing we had this c-section!”
10:15am: I lie there listening to various words and conversation…
and then I realize I can actually see Cale if I turn my head to the right. He has a strong cry! I focus in on him…
10:16am: Finally Ben brings Cale around by my head and
holds him there next to me. Cale stops
crying and looks at me. He is so alert…he’s
so sweet! Oh he is so sweet…
10:20am or so: They are still working on stitching me up and
I am ever so eager to hold my son. I’ll
settle for looking into his eyes as Ben holds him right next to my face. I feel itchy.
And shaky.
11:00am or something like
it: I’m apparently all put back together
and they take down the blue sheet. Wow,
my bowling ball is gone… such a crazy thing to see: Bowling ball there, sheet goes up, sheet goes
down, bowling ball gone. The nurses tell
me to grab on to their arms as they move my body from table to hospital
bed. I am moments away from holding Cale
for the first time!
11:03am or something like
it: Recovery room. Cale is placed in my arms. Oh, he is sweet. My eyes lock with Ben’s as the nurse checks
all of my vitals and ensures the pain meds are working correctly (oh so
important!). And then we are alone. (Well, relatively speaking. We are behind a curtain that is partially
open so the nurse can see me at all times during our two hour recovery time…) And I savor these first precious moments
together with my son.
11:05am-12:15pm: I cuddle my son, hold Ben’s hand, get checked
every 15 minutes by the nurse (which includes a very painful and uncomfortable
pressing on my abdomen to make sure my uterus is all good), finally get some
ice chips (gotta wait for water until I am able to “pass gas.” Now seriously. I have to ADMIT this? In front of my husband? I am pretty sure be doesn’t think I do
that!), practice nursing…which Cale rocks at.
I mean, really. Cale latches
right on like he knows exactly what to do.
And I thank God for giving us our healthy boy and a healthy
delivery. I am so thankful. So very thankful! We get the correct stats for Cale and send a
photo along with the information to our family via text message. (oh, technology! You save the hospital waiting room from
overflowing…)
12:15pm: I am getting more excited to introduce my
daughter to her brother. Plus I miss
her. I hope she is not giving her
Grandma Jill a hard time about napping… and I hope she naps quickly so she can
get on over here! I’m so itchy. The nurse notices and asks if I need
something for the itchiness. I tell her
no.
12:30pm: The nursery lady comes by to take Cale for
his first bath. She is impressed Cale is
already nursing so well and I feel relief at that. Because I know it’s not always this
easy! Ben takes Cale from my arms and
sets him in the bassinet to wheel him to the nursery for his first bath. It’s quiet and still in this little curtain
room with only the sound of machines running to keep me company. I pick up my phone and start texting
away. I am too full of adrenaline to
rest.
12:45pm: Ben and Cale return. I get in “trouble” for not resting while they
were away. I try to explain my
adrenaline rush, but Ben has a hard time buying it since I can hardly keep my
eyes open!
1:00pm or somewhere around
there: It’s time to leave recovery and
move in to our “home” for the next few days.
Ben pushes the bassinet containing our little man while the nurse pushes
the hospital bed containing me and my epidural.
It sure is an odd feeling to not be able to move and/or feel my
legs. But it is kind of relaxing at the
same time…
1:05pm: “Home.” Room 257.
Once situated in the room, the nurse I’ve had all morning passes me off
to the nurse I will have for the afternoon.
Railonda, I think. She is nice
and seems to have a good sense of humor; which is good because it is certainly
a little awkward to have someone cleaning my lower half and checking my
incision. She notices my constant
itching and asks if I need something for it.
I hesitate but say no because I don’t want to take too many drugs. I glance at Ben to make sure he isn’t
squeamish. He seems fine which I am glad
for.
1:15pm: Full body check complete. Come here, Cale! I want my baby snuggles.
1:20pm: Still snuggling. Ben checks in with Grandma Jill to see how
Charlotte’s doing. She’s napping! Phew!
Now hopefully she will wake up around 2 so she can get on up here and
meet Cale. I am so excited! I’ll just snuggle in the interim.
2:00pm: Charlotte is still napping. And, thanks to our amazing friends, our house
is being cleaned! I know I should close
my eyes and rest…but that darn adrenaline continues to pump like mad. And as the adrenaline pumps, I push the
button to keep my pain meds pumping. Ben
is kind of paranoid about that button.
He checks it every so often to make sure I don’t miss a beat and endure
more pain than I should. Such a good
protector!
Sometime after 2:00pm: Nurse Railonda returns for another
check. I’m still itchy and she insists I
go ahead and take some Benadryl. So I
give in. The itching is getting quite
irritating but I cannot stop! I am dying
for water, so I ask for some. The nurse
asks me if I am passing gas yet. Umm… I
go ahead and say yes. She listens to my
stomach and says “it sounds like your bowels are working,” so I can have some
water. Oh goodness me. Modesty is totally out the window now! But at least I get some water.
3:00pm: We receive word that Charlotte just woke
up. But the house cleaners are still cleaning. Oh goodness, I suppose I can wait a little
while longer. But my Mom is chomping at
the bit to meet her grandson…so I finally wave the flag and tell her she can
come on up.
4:15pm: My mom arrives with a baby boy balloon and
four flowers, one specific color for each member of our new family of four. My Mom is so sweet and thoughtful! And very excited to hold her grandson... so I
pass Cale over to his Grandma, the first to meet him outside of the two of us. I tell Ben to take photos since I am immobile…and
I still can’t seem to keep my eyes open.
My adrenaline is still pumping though, so I still don’t sleep. I’ll sleep tonight after everyone leaves.
4:30pm: Finally.
Ben gets a message from his Mom.
Charlotte’s here! I kindly ask my
Mom to step out so we can have our first meeting. Ben leaves to get Charlotte from his Mom
outside. My heart is pumping! I am so excited!!
4:35pm: Ben walks in with Charlotte. Her face lights up at the sight of “baby
Tale!” (She somehow translates the “C”
to a “T…”) and Mama. But then she sees
all of the machines surrounding Mama’s bed.
And the IV stemming from Mama’s arm… and she is scared. She clings to Daddy. My heart hurts a bit but I don’t allow myself
to cry. I knew she might be a little
scared. She will warm up, it’s
okay.
4:40pm: The Grandmas and Uncle Nick can’t stay away
any longer and they step on into the room.
Cale is passed around and my eyes lock in on my daughter. She finally braves up enough to at least
stand by the bed and hold my hand while sucking her thumb. And she likes to see baby Cale and get close
to him. That’s a good sign…
Sometime after 5:00pm: Uncle Chris arrives and gets some Cale
snuggle time. And Uncle Chris also works
his magic and manages to convince Charlotte to hold her baby brother for the
first time. It’s pretty precious. Just wish I didn’t have to watch it all from
this darn hospital bed. My eyes continue
to droop closed against my will, but I still can’t sleep.
Sometime after 6:00pm: Grandpa Craig shows up to meet our sweet boy. He didn’t get to meet Charlotte until she was
10 weeks old, so this is pretty sweet.
He has to steal Cale from a Grandma, which is a tricky task, but he
manages. Ben plays photographer as I
close my eyes and hold my daughter’s hand next to the bed. But still no sleep.
7:00pmish: My Mom leaves to get my Dad. Jill and Nick leave to eat dinner. Ben has to leave to take Charlotte home. I don’t want to say goodbye to my
daughter. Again, my heart hurts. I know she is in good hands, so why is this
so hard? Fortunately the tears don’t
come as I tell her I love her and I will see her tomorrow and not look so
scary.
7:45pmish: My Mom and Dad arrive. My Dad looks so cute in his khaki pants and
button up shirt! And I feel a tug of
tears again (which I hold back) as I notice he dressed up to meet his first
grandson. He walks into the room and his
eyes fall right on me before anyone else.
Craig offers Cale to him, but first my Dad says he is here to see “his
baby,” meaning me. That warms my heart
and I assure my Dad I am fine, tired and worn out, but overall I think I am
good. Then he makes a move to hold Cale for
the first time (like Craig, he also didn’t meet Charlotte until she was 10 weeks
old). I savor the meeting, my eyes
drooping closed every so often.
8:00pm: Craig and Chris say their goodbyes and I
thank them for lingering around to keep me company.
8:30pm: Uncle Matthew arrives. My youngest brother-in-law! How on earth is he old enough to drive
now? He looks a little nervous about holding
Cale for the first time, but he does it and I watch him relax into the role as
Uncle of a newborn. Another sweet
meeting.
8:45pm: Ben’s back.
Oh, it is good to see my husband.
The emotions are starting to creep up and I am tired. But I still don’t want to surrender to either
one… although I do feel ready for sleep.
My parents see that we are all set for the night and make their way home
as well.
Our first night: It’s rough.
Neither of us handles sleep deprivation well. Cale is up quite frequently wanting to
nurse. All of the time. It’s draining me. But I try my best to be strong and
positive. I can tell Ben is worn out and
I just want to encourage him and support him.
I fear pain so I make sure to press my pain medicine button every 10
minutes or so. Occasionally the machine
has trouble reading my blood pressure and an alarm sounds until the nurse comes
to make sure I am okay. I like my night
nurse. Her name is also Amanda and she
is so very kind and attentive. I feel
cared for and there is understanding in her eyes…plus she doesn’t press so hard
on my abdomen like the other nurses did.
She says it’s because she recently had a baby of her own, so she is more
familiar with the discomforts. I am
thankful!
6:00am or so: Nurse Amanda removes my catheter. Aww, bugga!
I had been chugging water since I got the clear. Literally, one big ol’ hospital water canteen
an hour! But I would rather have Nurse
Amanda do it than whomever I get next.
So I’m tough. She also removes my
epidural. Which is surprisingly easy and
pain free. Much better than having it
inserted! She turns off the rest of the
machines and I start to look less “scary.”
I am excited to take my shower and hope my next nurse will assist me
with that ASAP!
1 comment:
You are an awesome writer. I've been riveted reading this whole thing. Love it!! Congratulations on your sweet boy!!
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