Charlotte loves to play with her baby dolls. She pushes them around in strollers, pats
their backs, sings to them, reads to them, puts them “nigh-nigh,” rocks them,
shushes them, and…
Yup, she even nurses her baby dolls. And pumps.
It’s kind of hilarious to watch!
And as I watch my daughter pretend to nurse her baby doll, I
realize she has learned all of these behaviors from none other than me. She is imitating me.
Yowzers. That can be
a scary thing sometimes. Because I
certainly make mistakes daily…and sometimes Miss Charlotte points those out to
me quite clearly as well.
For example…one day a month or so ago I heard her say,
“SHHHH baby!! Stop TWYING! STOP it!”
(twying=crying). Knife to the
heart, I tell you! It felt awful to see
and hear my daughter shushing her baby doll in such a manner. Especially because I knew she was just
copying what she saw her mommy
do. And I AM HER MOMMY.
Since then, I have thought a lot about this whole imitating
thing. This being Mommy thing.
I remember, like Charlotte, playing with my baby dolls. I remember pretending to be Mommy and
dreaming up names for my own imaginary children. I remember how much FUN it was to play Mommy.
Fast forward to today.
While BEING mommy is also fun, sometimes it can most
certainly be a little stressful, and honestly?
Not so fun all of the time. And I
don’t always respond with as much grace as I should.
Here’s an example from a recent December day. Cale was crying for some reason unbeknownst
to me. And Charlotte was frustrated that
her baby doll’s towel wouldn’t stay put so she was screaming. I couldn’t attend to Charlotte right away and
so she started throwing a fit. And Cale
just kept on crying, no matter what I tried.
That went on for nearly an hour!
I thought I was going to break down and lose it. I wanted to cry because I felt like a
failure. I started to move into a place
of self-pity and blame.
But then I caught myself.
No wait. I DID NOT catch myself. God caught me. He stopped me right in my
self-blaming-pity-party and reminded me…
I NEED TO have grace.
Because God has grace for me as a Mommy.
God knows I am not perfect.
And He knows I cannot and will not ever be perfect. But He gives me grace when I stumble. When I make mistakes and say “STOP crying!”
to my child who just needs me to be calm and help him/her sort through whatever
it is that has them upset. When I
worship my idol of comfort and just want to stay sleeping at 6am instead of
waking up with my eager-to-start-the-day-bright-and-early-kids. Or when I bow down to yet another idol of
control and get a little freaked out when my kids aren’t taking their Nap at
the Designated Hour in the Designated Nap Spot.
Beyong exercising grace with my kiddos, I have found myself tapping
into that little girl inside me. That
little girl who loved to play mommy.
Instead of worrying about the house being clean or inviting so-and-so
over for a “play date,” I find God reminding me to play. Play house. Bake together (and not freak out when flour
ends up all over the place!). Blow
raspberries with my boy. Play hide and
seek… build forts… use our imagination together. All in all?
Not just BE mommy, but PLAY mommy
too.
So basically…I don’t want my kids to imitate me losing my
cool and bowing down to idols. But I
also don’t want them to think they have to be perfect. I want my kids to know it is okay to make
mistakes. We all do. I assure you, my kids will see Mommy make
many mistakes throughout their growing up years because I am human and we live
in an imperfect world. BUT GOD FORGIVES
US. He has GRACE over us. He can work within us and triumph over those
nasty idols of comfort, control…etc.
I will always fail if I try to be Mommy on my own. But if I rely on God, if I rely on His grace,
He will work in me and through me. He
will shine through to my kids.
And that is my prayer.
That my children would see Christ.
That God would provide me with moments to teach them the Gospel. That He would give me the words to speak and
the grace and love they need.
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