From 1 to 2

Photo by Bella Baby Photography, all rights reserved. Photo taken in the hospital on day 3!

Prior to Cale's birth we were informed from some parents that the transition from 1 to 2 is the hardest.  Harder even than the transition from 0 to 1.  They usually said they were "more exhausted" and "drained." In my naivety, I thought this would be "no biggie."  Because, surely, we have lived through exhaustion and being drained after welcoming a child.  So how hard could it truly be?? I mean, we would adjust to a new baby and to life as a family of four.  But really...sleep deprivation wasn't anything we couldn't handle for a few months. 

Oh but it has been so much more than sleep deprivation, exhaustion and draining.

Some others asked how we thought Charlotte would handle our new addition.  We figured she would be a champ.  She was, after all, a happy and easy-going kiddo.  She loved babies and didn't throw a lot of tantrums.  And, if she did get upset about something, it was usually taken care of in a matter of minutes.  Soothed away by Mommy or Daddy, and/or handled by time-out.

Let me just admit.  My heart was not prepared.

I hadn't considered the fact that Charlotte is well over the allotted weight I can lift post c-section.  And, in not considering that fact, I had also not considered the additional fact that I hold Charlotte A LOT and of course the additional fact that this loss would be felt deeply by both she and myself.

The first week home was difficult.  Charlotte wanted Mommy to hold her.  I wanted  to hold and comfort my daughter.  But I had to tell her "sorry, sweetheart.  Mommy has an ouchie.  I can't hold you."  She would usually cry.  Big, crocodile tears that melted this mama's heart (and, at the time, I was SUPER DUPER emotional and so I often ended up crying right along with her.  I know, I know.  So not cool.).  Then, one day.... after Charlotte's nap... she called for me.  I caved.  I carefully picked my daughter up out of her crib and sunk to the ground just as carefully with her in my arms.  It felt different to hold her.  She felt changed, bigger.  So much bigger than I had remembered!  How had she grown so much in just over a week's time!?  My heart ached.  And as I processed through my own thoughts, I realized my daughter was clinging to me and sobbing into my shoulder as I held her close.  There goes that rule from my recovery orders...  Oopsies.

And my goodness.  We were definitely not expecting the magnitude and frequency of Charlotte's fits.  Charlotte would throw tantrums over e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.  She didn't like the oatmeal we gave her, didn't like the way her straw was positioned in her milk, didn't want to wear a certain shirt, didn't want her hair done, didn't want mommy to nurse Cale, wanted Daddy to go outside NOW, wanted to swing Cale fast in his baby swing, and on and on.  Those first two weeks were full of one tantrum rolling into another.  And it was exhausting!  For her (I am sure!) as well as for Daddy and me.  Again, my heart hurt as I watched my sweet girl get upset over such little things and nothing I said or did seemed to help. 

I discovered; however, after sharing my frustrations with other friends with multiple kiddos, that this behavior is actually "normal."  Oh praise the Lord God Almighty!  So my daughter had not completely changed forever?  I saw a glimmer... my daughter would be okay...

So here we are.  Cale is nearly four weeks old and will hit his one month "birthday" this coming Saturday.  I have meant to write out my thoughts and feelings concerning those first two weeks for about two weeks now, but, ya know.... with two babies, a husband, a cat and myself to take care of... it just did not happen.  Not to mention computer issues thrown in the mix. 

I basically just want to remember how it felt to grow into a family of four.  I want to remember the good along with the not-so-good...that way if God does have it in His Book to give us any more sweet little blessings... I might not be so naive!

Of course there have also been many unexpected beautiful moments.  Like my first day flying "solo" with the two kiddos after Daddy went back to work and the Grandmas were no longer available to help out.  It wasn't so bad!  Both of my little cuties napped and I found Charlotte actually seemed to do better when it was just she, Cale and I.  Charlotte reading books to Cale... Cale's smirks and smiles (I am convinced they are not just gas!!  He is just too alert when he does them...!  I think he is just advanced.)... and lots of snuggles and cuddles with my two sweet babies.

I do, indeed, cherish these moments.  Even when I am awake at 10pm, 11pm, midnight, 2am, 3am, 4am....5am....6am....

Cale and Charlotte?  Just wait until you are teenagers and you want to sleep away the day...  I will gently remind you of these days of your baby-hood.